“Democrats are in the nurse’s office because they glued their balls to their thighs.”

by Ben Hoffman

Is anybody else completely fed up with the Democrats in Congress and the President? John Stewart did a great bit about the Massachusetts election today:

“If this lady loses, the health care reform bill that the beloved late senator considered his legacy, will die. And the reason it will die… is because if Coakley loses, Democrats will only have an 18 vote majority in the Senate, which is more than George W. Bush ever had in the Senate when did whatever the fuck he wanted to.”

“It’s not that the Democrats are playing checkers and the Republicans are playing chess. It’s that the Republicans are playing chess and the Democrats are in the nurse’s office because once again they glued their balls to their thighs.”

Watch the full video here.

Obama got off to a good start last year by passing the stimulus bill, which — contrary to the lies right-wingers pulled out of their asses — did indeed create and save a lot of jobs. It may have kept us out of another depression.

On the other hand, the health insurance reform effort has been a joke. Rather than go with simple reform, like limiting the amount of money insurance companies can use for administration, or even just prohibiting them from denying coverage if somebody gets sick, they create a thousand page monstrosity that’s a giant giveaway to the insurance companies.

I think a better metaphor would be: the Democrats are playing chess and the Republicans are playing dodge ball.

Pathetic.

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27 Comments to ““Democrats are in the nurse’s office because they glued their balls to their thighs.””

  1. Pathetic indeed. And what’s worse, is they seem to have started off with a reasonable bill but just loaded it up and loaded it up and loaded it up till it started collapsing of its own weight.

    Even so, and all that being said, if health care loses, we all lose. It’ll be a tragedy.

  2. Unfortunately (and I say this even being on the “right”), the Dems are so weak they couldn’t rip their way out of a wet paper bag right now. I actually feel bad for Obama – he probably came into office thinking FOX and the Republicans were his worst enemy when it’s actually the idiots and lameasses within his own party that are the real threat. It’s sad to see and as you say, “pathetic.”

    All this power and all they’ve done with it is screw over the people who gave it to them. Healthcare is just one example. As for the job saves/gains, I don’t buy those for a second. The stimulus money didn’t go out based on need for jobs, it went out solely based on politics from what I’ve seen.

    • [I actually feel bad for Obama – he probably came into office thinking FOX and the Republicans were his worst enemy when it’s actually the idiots and lameasses within his own party that are the real threat.]

      It’s the corporatists in the Democratic party that screw everything up. These just too much money in politics any more. THAT’S where we really need reform. Get the big money out of politics and everything else will fall into place.

      [The stimulus money didn’t go out based on need for jobs, it went out solely based on politics from what I’ve seen.]

      Politics definitely played a role, but it has created jobs and there is a lot of money for alternative fuel development. Hopefully we’ll see some return on that investment in the coming years. There was also a lot of money for colleges and universities, and there is a huge return on those investments.

      • If there were small steps in getting better I’d rant less about it, but now it just seems like we’re falling further and further backwards. It’s an addictive pattern of behavior, and like any addiction one usually has to hit “rock bottom” before any true change occurs. Is that what we’re really waiting for, when our “should” becomes a “must”?

        Government needs its own 12-step program! The media, acting on behalf of the people and not the corporatists, should be the “higher power” that at the very least the government would hold themselves accountable to. We need a big spotlight on the screwiness of all of this, but I’m tired of hearing it from a caricature like Olbermann or Limbaugh or Beck, who are now corporations themselves, I want to hear it on the REGULAR evening news by someone who doesn’t sell T-shirts on the side. (OK, Olbermann doesn’t really have an empire [he actually needs viewers for that], but he is a clown that might as well be twisting up balloon animals.]

        If there’s one glimmer of hope that I have, it’s that the honeymoon with the mainstream press seems to be over and they can start acting like a watchdog and whistleblowers again.

      • Vern, you have it right about the media. I’d go further. Besides NOT doing what they should be doing . . . they do an awful job with what they DO do. And they’re really lazy and don’t do their homework. And they have the attention spans of seven year olds – it’s one story at a time, all the time. The “OJ Effect”. I swear our national news died the day they noticed that white SUV.

        I worked on a few newspapers when I was younger (on the production side) but we all knew the mission of the edit side: Comfort the afflicted and afflict the comforted. (the language is a bit archaic, but we all know what it means)

        Let us stipulate a few good print operations remain, although if Rupert Murdoch keeps it we could lose the national treasure that is the news side of the Wall Street Journal.

      • [If there’s one glimmer of hope that I have, it’s that the honeymoon with the mainstream press seems to be over and they can start acting like a watchdog and whistleblowers again.]

        The N.Y. Times and Washington Post still do a decent job, but there definitely is bias in the media. You hardly ever saw anything on the front page about the flawed rationale for invading Iraq, even though there was plenty of evidence we were being lied to.

        A big part of the problem is media ownership by HUGE conglomerates. Check out this chart:
        http://www.thenation.com/special/2006_entertainment.pdf

    • Campaign finance reform is essential or this Republic doesn’t survive. We become a corpratist state. And those little fixes like McCain Feingold wont do it – we need public financing. Imagine if congress could spend time doing the country’s business instead of raising funds?

      Re the Dems – be sure to watch Jon Stewart’s monologue from last night. He had a few words on the subject. And wait for the last line.

      {How do you spell corpratist? }

  3. Mr. Hoffman,

    “[The stimulus money didn’t go out based on need for jobs, it went out solely based on politics from what I’ve seen.]

    “Politics definitely played a role, but it has created jobs and there is a lot of money for alternative fuel development. Hopefully we’ll see some return on that investment in the coming years. There was also a lot of money for colleges and universities, and there is a huge return on those investments.”

    Opinion not fact.

    ” if Coakley loses, Democrats will only have an 18 vote majority in the Senate, which is more than George W. Bush ever had in the Senate when did whatever the fuck he wanted to.””

    I really wish somebody, anybody would stand up and put John Stewart in his place. I’d even settle for a pissed off Democrat. Mr. Stewart got ONE fact right. President Bush NEVER had the numbers in the Senate that President Obama had. Remember that, liberals, the next time you say that President Bush is solely to blame for everything that went wrong during his 8 years in office.

    Oh, by the way I see health care stocks and the rest of the market were up today just on the remote possibility that Coakley could lose. So what’s bad for Obama is good for America and my 401k. Now if Coakley wins, tomorrow my 401k and America’s future will see a sharp decline.

    http://www.marketwatch.com/story/massachusetts-election-boosts-health-care-sector-2010-01-19

    • [Oh, by the way I see health care stocks and the rest of the market were up today just on the remote possibility that Coakley could lose.]

      They were up when it looked like the health care reform looked like it was going to pass, also. After all, the proposed bill is a HUGE handout to the health insurance industry.

    • I see some parralels between Palin and Stewart (albeit no physical ones!) For one, they both really tick off the other side, and for another, they don’t really have an informative take on current events per se, but they usually have an entertaining one.

      I think Stewart said it best on Crossfire that day when he asked why people take him so seriously when the show leading into his is puppets making crank calls. 🙂

      • [For one, they both really tick off the other side, and for another, they don’t really have an informative take on current events per se, but they usually have an entertaining one.]

        I doubt you’d say that if you ever watched the daily show. Stewart does some great interviews.

      • I watch The Daily Show quite frequently (although not religiously), and appreciate Stewart’s perspective on things. He’s a funny guy!

        But to Alan’s point and my own, I don’t go to him for statistics or breaking news so much as I do for a more lighthearted yet cutting commentary on the news.

        I never criticize his commentary because to me, sometimes a joke’s just got to be left alone and not fact checked (right CNN?!) Stewart’s also got a humility to himself that I like.

      • [not fact checked (right CNN?!) ]

        Yup, Jon Stewart’s best moment ever. He brilliantly mocked CNN when they dissected CNN’s exmaination of an SNL bit. Stewart put on that deadpan face, looked soberly at the camera, and said to CNN “Really. You fact checked an SNL skit.”

        His commentary – especially riffs on the media – are what he does best.

      • [But to Alan’s point and my own, I don’t go to him for statistics or breaking news so much as I do for a more lighthearted yet cutting commentary on the news.]

        The same could be said about any cable news program. Getting news from TV doesn’t give you any real depth. John Stewart goes after his guests sometimes harder than a lot of other interviewers. Remember his interview with Jim Cramer?

      • Oh yah, the Cramer interview was a good one.

  4. But you still LOST!
    I’m an Independent, Hear Me Roar!

    • Independent. (in⋅de⋅pend⋅ent) -noun. A voter whose opinion is subject to the prevailing winds at the time.

      • A voter whose opinion is subject to the prevailing winds at the time.

        Keep it up. The more guys like you talk, the more Browns we’ll have.

      • [Keep it up. The more guys like you talk, the more Browns we’ll have.]

        You just proved my point. Policy should drive voter opinion, yet most pick the candidate that they like the best.

        I admit, comparing Brown and whats-her-name, Coakley, Brown comes off as being sharper, more likable, possibly more honest… But their objectives are diametrically opposed. So how could a state that’s overwhelmingly liberal vote this guy into office?

      • Because, as you said Ben, “Brown comes off as being sharper, more likable, possibly more honest”. And except for wonks, that’s the stuff that gets people elected.

  5. John Stewart is definitely liberal. Once in a great while he might go after a lefty. I’ve had people tell me that he is balanced, I don’t see it. Of course I don’t watch him much, so I guess I keep missing the balance.

    I think he should just go over to MSNBC with the rest of the idiots, except no one would watch him over there.

    Anyway you guys let me get away with one. I said that the stock market went up because Brown might win. Now that he did win it went down big time today, but that was caused by China. I always leave myself an excuse and I’m not even a Democrat.

    • [I think he should just go over to MSNBC with the rest of the idiots]

      Alan – Jon Stewart is a COMEDIAN. He has a ‘fake news show’.

      • A lot of right-wingers think Stephen Colbert is serious, also. There was a study done at Ohio State University that found “conservatives were more likely to report that Colbert only pretends to be joking and genuinely meant what he said”
        http://hij.sagepub.com/cgi/content/abstract/14/2/212

        They live in an alternate reality.

      • I remember Stewart’s famous appearance on the now-defunct Crossfire, when he was challenged about the ‘facts’ on his program. He reminded the questioner that not only was he a comedy show on the Comedy Channel, but his show followed rag-puppet theatre.

  6. Mr. Hoffman,

    ” So how could a state that’s overwhelmingly liberal vote this guy into office? ”

    This guy campaigned clearly on an anti big government platform, an anti obama-care agenda. When a liberal state like Massachusetts has voters who figure out that the Democrats policies are bad for America, you guys are in big trouble.

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