Archive for ‘Parody’

May 9, 2012

GOP Newsletter Calls for Armed Revolution if Obama Re-Elected

by Ben Hoffman

In the “Whitehouse Watchdog” column, editor Ponch McPhee says that America cannot survive four more years under Obama, a “political socialist ideologue” who is “unlike anything world history has ever witnessed or recognized.” McPhee argues that Americans will have no option “but armed revolution should we fail with the power of the vote in November:”


Good, that will give us an excuse to rid our country of some of these degenerates.

December 13, 2011

Obama Proud of His Speech

by Ben Hoffman

November 28, 2011

Activist N.Y. Judge Rules In Favor of the People Instead of Corporations!!!

by Ben Hoffman

WASHINGTON — A federal judge in New York on Monday threw out a settlement between the Securities and Exchange Commission and Citigroup over a 2007 mortgage derivatives deal, saying that the S.E.C.’s policy of settling cases by allowing a company to neither admit nor deny the agency’s allegations did not satisfy the law.

The judge, Jed S. Rakoff of United States District Court in Manhattan, ruled that the S.E.C.’s $285 million settlement, announced last month, is “neither fair, nor reasonable, nor adequate, nor in the public interest” because it does not provide the court with evidence on which to judge the settlement.

The ruling could throw the S.E.C.’s enforcement efforts into chaos, because a majority of the fraud cases and other actions that the agency brings against Wall Street firms are settled out of court, most often with a condition that the defendant does not admit that it violated the law while also promising not to deny it.

That condition gives a company or individual an advantage in subsequent civil litigation for damages, because cases in which no facts are established cannot be used in evidence in other cases, like shareholder lawsuits seeking recovery of losses or damages.

The S.E.C.’s policy — “hallowed by history, but not by reason,” Judge Rakoff wrote — creates substantial potential for abuse, the judge said, because “it asks the court to employ its power and assert its authority when it does not know the facts.”

Judge Rakoff also refers at one point to Citigroup as “a recidivist,” or repeat offender, which has violated the antifraud provisions of the nation’s securities laws many times. The company knew that the S.E.C.’s proposed judgment – that it cease and desist from violating the antifraud laws – had not been enforced in at least 10 years, the judge wrote.

Read more…

This is disgraceful. Republicans are trying to instill a fascist government in the United States and activist judges like this are blocking their efforts. This has to stop if we want an authoritarian corporatist rule. Vote for fascism in the next election. Vote GOP.

November 26, 2011

Mars Explorer Launched Today – Another Socialistic Government Program!!!

by Ben Hoffman

CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla. — The world’s biggest extraterrestrial explorer, NASA’s Curiosity rover, rocketed toward Mars on Saturday on a search for evidence that the red planet might once have been home to itsy-bitsy life.

It will take 8½ months for Curiosity to reach Mars following a journey of 354 million miles.

An unmanned Atlas V rocket hoisted the rover, officially known as Mars Science Laboratory, into a cloudy late morning sky. A Mars frenzy gripped the launch site, with more than 13,000 guests jamming the space center for NASA’s first launch to Earth’s next-door neighbor in four years, and the first send-off of a Martian rover in eight years.

The 1-ton Curiosity — as large as a car — is a mobile, nuclear-powered laboratory holding 10 science instruments that will sample Martian soil and rocks, and analyze them right on the spot. There’s a drill as well as the laser-zapping device.

Read more…

This is socialism at its worst. The space programs should be eliminated and left to the private industry that will undoubtedly fill the gap if government would just get out of the way. Just like our infrastructure… If the government would just stop building roads and bridges, private industries would build them, and they’d be better quality because there would be competition and profits… and other mindless right-wing talking points that have no basis in reality.

Also, this is a liberal programs since it’s science and uses facts and logic. Everything we need to know was written 2,000 years ago in the Bible.

September 30, 2011

Anthony Bologna (aka Tony Baloney) – Wall Street Pepper Spray Incident

by Ben Hoffman

Watch video here.

Hopefully his co-workers are making his life hell. 🙂

September 29, 2011

BREAKING NEWS: Congress Takes Group Of Schoolchildren Hostage

by Ben Hoffman

WASHINGTON—Brandishing shotguns and semiautomatic pistols, Republicans of the 112th U.S. Congress took a class of visiting schoolchildren hostage today, barricading themselves inside the Capitol rotunda and demanding $12 trillion dollars in cash.

House Speaker John Boehner (R-OH), who has emerged as spokesman for the right-wing extremist group, informed FBI negotiators this morning that the ransom was to be placed in stainless-steel suitcases and left on the Capitol steps by 4 p.m. sharp. If their demands are not met in full, the 11-term representative announced, “all the kids will die.”

“Bring us the money and we let the children go, simple as that,” said Boehner, appearing in the East Portico with a serrated switchblade held to one of the fourth-grader’s throats. “If you want to play games and stall for extra time, we’re going to shoot one kid an hour, starting with little Dillon here.”

“Tick tock,” he added, vanishing back into the building with the terrified child in tow.

Arlington gun shop confirms Rep. Eric Cantor bought 6 semi-automatic handguns, 3 rifles & 600 clips of ammo last month.

Read more…

September 18, 2011

Richard Pryor as the 40th President of the United States (before political correctness ruined comedy)

by Ben Hoffman


August 23, 2011

God Sends Message: “Get Your Sh*t Together!”

by Ben Hoffman

God generated an earthquake today and damaged part of the National Cathedral to serve as a warning for religious nuts to “get your sh*t together and stop destroying America in the name of religion.”

A spokesman for Washington National Cathedral says at least three of the four pinnacles on the central tower have fallen off and the central tower appears to be leaning.

God said he disproves of all the nut-jobs who are running in the Republican primaries. “That Rick Perry is going straight to hell. I haven’t made my mind up about that Bachmann character and need to consider her sanity before making a final decision, but it’s not looking good for her,” God said in an interview early this afternoon. “I can’t believe I created people so stupid they would vote for these crazy f*cks. Maybe it’s time for another flood.”

August 5, 2011

Morality in America: Jesus vs. the Devil

by Ben Hoffman
July 31, 2011

GOP Motivational Film

by Ben Hoffman
July 19, 2011

Gay Scientists Isolate Christian Gene

by Ben Hoffman

It could be from inbreeding.

July 15, 2011

Jon Stewart Gets Help From Jerry Seinfeld With ‘Comedy Repression Therapy’ (VIDEO)

by Ben Hoffman

“That’s Michele Bachmann’s husband? Is he teaching people not to be gay or is he like the ‘Green Mile’ guy, just absorbing it all?”
~ Jon Stewart


June 28, 2011

In Major Gaffe, Bachmann Confuses Ass, Hole in Ground

by Ben Hoffman

ARIZONA (The Borowitz Report) – In a fledgling campaign that has already produced more than its share of gaffes, Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minn) today confused her ass with a hole in the ground during a campaign swing through Arizona.

Speaking to a group of supporters in Phoenix, Rep. Bachmann raised eyebrows when she said, “It’s great to be here in Arizona, the home of my ass.”

After her comment was greeted with confused murmurs from the crowd, Rep. Bachmann quickly added, “Oh wait, did I say my ass? I meant the Grand Canyon.”

Being unable to tell her ass from a hole in the ground, especially a prominent one such as the Grand Canyon, is only one of many challenges facing Rep. Bachmann in her quest for the Presidency, according to political science professor Davis Logsdon of the University of Minnesota.

“Michele Bachmann is a staunch believer in the theory of Intelligent Design,” he said. “However, Intelligent Design cannot explain Michele Bachmann.”

But Dr. Logsdon added that Rep. Bachmann remains an attractive candidate, especially for those Republican voters who find former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin “too cerebral.”

“When Sarah Palin looks at Michele Bachmann, she must feel the way the Jonas Brothers feel about Justin Bieber,” he said.

In other political news, GOP presidential candidate Newt Gingrich said today that “marriage must be defined as the union between a man, a woman, and the man’s staff member at the time.”

The Borowitz Report

June 25, 2011

The Tea Party Recruitment Song

by Ben Hoffman
June 23, 2011

John McCain: “Illegal Aliens Broke Into My House And Hid My Remote In The Freezer”

by Ben Hoffman

Sen. McCain claimed last week that illegal immigrants had started the wildfires still raging across Arizona, an assertion that has since been debunked. He now claims that Mexicans were breaking into his home to steal his glasses, knock over his trash cans and, most insidiously, hide his remote control. Read more…