Archbishop Timothy M. Dolan: The 62 Year Old Virgin!

by Ben Hoffman

Crazy F*ck

Hours after President Obama phoned to share his decision with Archbishop Timothy M. Dolan of New York, who is president of the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, the bishops’ headquarters in Washington posted on its Web site a video of Archbishop Dolan, which had been recorded the day before.

“Never before,” Archbishop Dolan said, setting the tone, “has the federal government forced individuals and organizations to go out into the marketplace and buy a product that violates their conscience. This shouldn’t happen in a land where free exercise of religion ranks first in the Bill of Rights.”


These crazy f*cks dedicate their lives to some imaginary being — supposedly never engaging in sex, which they believe to be a sin. As we all know, many of them prefer sex with young boys. But what do you expect from weirdos who go around in silly costumes, preaching the writings from some book written nearly 2,000 years ago?

Isn’t it time the religious nuts joined us in the 21st century? Or how about the 20th century? There is such a thing called “science” that explains things people 2,000 years ago didn’t understand.

18 Comments to “Archbishop Timothy M. Dolan: The 62 Year Old Virgin!”

  1. Actually the Bible wasn’t written merely 2000 years ago. It was written across many centuries, 66 books by 40 authors, most of whome NEVER knew each other, yet the Bible has a consistent message. There are even consistent details and symbolism across all authors and books of the Bible. There is a psalm that is so explicit, that medical experts can determine a cause of death (crucifixion) for the writer. It is prophetic, having been written hundreds of years before crucifixion was invented.

    It took “2000 years” for the Bible to become “crazy, irrelevant and silly” while this blog is all those now. Is that progress? And how do we know “ben hoffman” isn’t imaginary? I’ve never seen him.

    (J/k, u know I love you ben)

    The Bible is still relevant, the psalms portray the human heart better than any writing on the planet. The song of solomon, is a great look at sex as God designed it (between a husband and wife) the teachings of Jesus are simply amazing.

    The Catholic church has added their own stuff to the Bible, and that’s the stuff you find silly Ben. Anytime man tries to add to what God does, it’s laughable at best. Not to bag on catholics, but it’s true for anyone who does, even in Protestant circles.

    • The Bible is still relevant, the psalms portray the human heart better than any writing on the planet.

      That may be true, but rules about birth control are not. 2,000 years ago, the child mortality rate was far higher, and it was beneficial to society for people to “be fruitful and multiply.” Times have changed. Overpopulation is an enormous problem now, as is poverty.

      • I wouldn’t worry about overpopulation. Bill gates is planning to use vaccines to reduce world population. (Google bill gates natural new population reduction)

        Other luciferian/big money folk are probably fixing to star WWIII with Iran/syria and that will take care of your population problem. (See Georgia guidestones)

        As for the Bible, there are more legitimate documents proving that Jesus Christ was a real person than there are proving the existence of emperor tiberius. The book of Luke (and probly Acts also) were very likely documents for Paul’s court case in Rome. Luke’s Gospell also contains more medical terminology than Hippocrates.

        If you think the Bible is no good, then I challenge you to read the Gospel of Luke, and then debunk it. Good luck.

    • yet the Bible has a consistent message.

      The message would be it takes a great deal of self-delusion to swallow half of the outright BS that permeates the venal tome in question.

      It took “2000 years” for the Bible to become “crazy, irrelevant and silly”

      Actually it is pretty batshite insane from the get go, inconsistent as well. But what can you expect of a work that advocates rape, slavery and genocide?

      The Bible is still relevant,

      As a guide on how NOT to run a reasonable society.

      • So which book of the Bible/specific scripture reference was it that turned you off? I am sincerely curious.

        Was it John 3:16, where it says God loved you so much that He sent His Son to die for you?

      • Part 2 of this question, in the interest of polite conversation,

        What specifically is it about Jesus that you don’t like?

      • I looked at the link of “inconsistencies” they are interesting but I think if one gave them enough thought, research and perspective I think we could resolve these.

        How about a friendly contest? You take my challenge, read through with an open mind, and then try to debunk the Gospel of Luke, as a historical document and as truth. And I’ll take a look at a few of your most difficult “inconsistencies” with the same attitude.

        we can then discuss our findings as rational beings as a consolation prize.

  2. Was it John 3:16, where it says God loved you so much that He sent His Son to die for you?

    I’m curious as to why an omniscient being would have send himself down to earth let himself get killed in the first place? Doesn’t that seem a little…inefficient? Consider that said god could simply will things in and out of existence make bushes talk etc, why go through whole Mel Gibson passion of the christ scene, unless of course it happened just so Mel Gibson could make a movie of questionable value.

  3. So which book of the Bible/specific scripture reference was it that turned you off? I am sincerely curious.

    As you requested.

    1) Murder, rape, and pillage at Jabesh-gilead (Judges 21:10-24 NLT)

    So they sent twelve thousand warriors to Jabesh-gilead with orders to kill everyone there, including women and children. “This is what you are to do,” they said. “Completely destroy all the males and every woman who is not a virgin.” Among the residents of Jabesh-gilead they found four hundred young virgins who had never slept with a man, and they brought them to the camp at Shiloh in the land of Canaan.

    The Israelite assembly sent a peace delegation to the little remnant of Benjamin who were living at the rock of Rimmon. Then the men of Benjamin returned to their homes, and the four hundred women of Jabesh-gilead who were spared were given to them as wives. But there were not enough women for all of them. The people felt sorry for Benjamin because the LORD had left this gap in the tribes of Israel. So the Israelite leaders asked, “How can we find wives for the few who remain, since all the women of the tribe of Benjamin are dead? There must be heirs for the survivors so that an entire tribe of Israel will not be lost forever. But we cannot give them our own daughters in marriage because we have sworn with a solemn oath that anyone who does this will fall under God’s curse.”

    Then they thought of the annual festival of the LORD held in Shiloh, between Lebonah and Bethel, along the east side of the road that goes from Bethel to Shechem. They told the men of Benjamin who still needed wives, “Go and hide in the vineyards. When the women of Shiloh come out for their dances, rush out from the vineyards, and each of you can take one of them home to be your wife! And when their fathers and brothers come to us in protest, we will tell them, ‘Please be understanding. Let them have your daughters, for we didn’t find enough wives for them when we destroyed Jabesh-gilead. And you are not guilty of breaking the vow since you did not give your daughters in marriage to them.'” So the men of Benjamin did as they were told. They kidnapped the women who took part in the celebration and carried them off to the land of their own inheritance. Then they rebuilt their towns and lived in them. So the assembly of Israel departed by tribes and families, and they returned to their own homes.

    –Obviously these women were repeatedly raped. These sick bastards killed and raped an entire town and then wanted more virgins, so they hid beside the road to kidnap and rape some more. How can anyone see this as anything but evil?–

    2) Murder, rape and pillage of the Midianites (Numbers 31:7-18 NLT)

    They attacked Midian just as the LORD had commanded Moses, and they killed all the men. All five of the Midianite kings – Evi, Rekem, Zur, Hur, and Reba – died in the battle. They also killed Balaam son of Beor with the sword. Then the Israelite army captured the Midianite women and children and seized their cattle and flocks and all their wealth as plunder. They burned all the towns and villages where the Midianites had lived. After they had gathered the plunder and captives, both people and animals, they brought them all to Moses and Eleazar the priest, and to the whole community of Israel, which was camped on the plains of Moab beside the Jordan River, across from Jericho.

    Moses, Eleazar the priest, and all the leaders of the people went to meet them outside the camp. But Moses was furious with all the military commanders who had returned from the battle. “Why have you let all the women live?” he demanded. “These are the very ones who followed Balaam’s advice and caused the people of Israel to rebel against the LORD at Mount Peor. They are the ones who caused the plague to strike the LORD’s people. Now kill all the boys and all the women who have slept with a man. Only the young girls who are virgins may live; you may keep them for yourselves.

    –Clearly Moses and God approves of rape of virgins.–

    3) More Murder Rape and Pillage (Deuteronomy 20:10-14)

    As you approach a town to attack it, first offer its people terms for peace. If they accept your terms and open the gates to you, then all the people inside will serve you in forced labor. But if they refuse to make peace and prepare to fight, you must attack the town. When the LORD your God hands it over to you, kill every man in the town. But you may keep for yourselves all the women, children, livestock, and other plunder. You may enjoy the spoils of your enemies that the LORD your God has given you.

    –What kind of God approves of murder, rape, and slavery?–

    The rest of the list here.

    • My first impression, without in-depth study is that In most of these examples, they offered terms for peace first. For 1), they were looking for wives which is a far cry from rape.

      2) balaam was not a nice guy, he was actively corrupting the people of Israel, 3) offered terms of peace.

      I haven’t touched onall of these specific examples, but I have written on the conquest of canaan and why these things could have been ordered by a loving God.

      The thing is, people see these hard passages, “raping and pillaging” and look at things from our limited, secular/naturalistic human perspective. That’s a mistake, the Bible is about the supernatural, what quantum theory/science may call “higher dimensions”. If you see only from a human angle, things make little sense.

      My articles on genocide and God follow this post.

  4. What specifically is it about Jesus that you don’t like?

    You mean apart from the endorsement of rape, murder and slavery? He’s just a peach otherwise…

    The bible when taken as literature can be an interesting, if bloodthirsty, read. It’s when people try and take these stories and apply them to real life is when the bible and jesus becomes problematic for me. Sure in John jesus bring the love, but he also bring the hellfire and eternal damnation at the same time. The love me or burn forever is a real turn-off and has no place in reasonable discourse.

    My dislike is more of the systemic variety when it comes to christianity and other religions because often people look away from the rational to the spiritual and make some really bad decisions.

    • Jesu Himself never advocated rape, etc. Check out the Gospels.

    • In some ways, I agree on so-called “Christian” leadership. Unfortunately, man messes up something good. So, forget funny hats and silly robes, and just look for Jesus. He Himself had harsh words for the religious leaders in His time.

      The pharisees and saducees lorded it over the people the way some “Christians” (who may not be sincere) do now.

      Though I can’t agree 100 % with you, you have some valid reservations and those are not insignificant. If you ever want to really chat or whatever, you’re welcome on my blog (which hopefully ben will post earlier). As long as you are sincere and respectful, you are free to comment.

      (Dontaskthatinchurch). (There are articles about Israel’s “genocide”)

  5. The Arbourist,

    After analyzing your extensive writings, I come to the conclusion that your problem is really with Judaism, rather than Christianity . How about some examples from the New Testament ?

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