A Cow Based Economics Lesson

by Ben Hoffman

You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbor.

You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.

You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

You have two cows.
You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you
want three cows.

You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and market it worldwide.

You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

You have two cows.
You worship them.

You have two cows.
Both are mad.

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.


They forgot one…

You have two cows.
The large U.S. milk corporations send its cows to China to be milked by slave wage workers.
You can’t compete, so you go out of business and get a job at Walmart.
Many people get sick and die after drinking Chinese milk contaminated with lead.

4 Comments to “A Cow Based Economics Lesson”

  1. LMAO!

    Surrealism is the best, I also like Japan’s.

    PS, i’d like my harmonica lessons.

  2. Not quite.

    Socialism – You have 2 cows. The state rips the cows from your arms, since hey, who are you to have 2 cows when not everyone else has one. The poor and needy get 2 drops of milk each, while the state gets nice and fat on cow meat and the freshest milk. They then proceed to promise even more cows that they don’t have to foreign countries, and cause a huge national cow debt. They then proceed to spend more cows that they don’t have to research the gigantic red thing in the sky called the sun that they don’t understand, but rumors go around that it might come down and kill them if they don’t stop inhaling through their nose. Since that’s what the scientists say, the people do so out of fear. By the way, half of the country then goes on a religious crusade serving the sun like a god, and telling people that if the sun comes down and kills them all, it’ll be their fault, neglecting the fact that it has never done so before, and nothing is indicating that it has the capability to do so based on history, but the scientists just ignore that. People tell the state to stop spending cows that they don’t have, but the state just laughs saying, “OK, but if we don’t the sun might kill us all since we don’t have the research to stop it.” The people are afraid, so they let the state do it’s own secret personal business. The cow economy then mysteriously collapses, and everyone wonders how it happened.

    Conservative Capitalism – You have 2 cows, and several resources. Your neighbor also has 2 cows and the same amount of resources, but he hasn’t taken the time to take care of them. The people see how healthy your resources are and buy your resources instead of your neighbors for 2 cows. You now have 4 cows and no resources, while your neighbor has only 2 cows and several non-usable resources. Out of the goodness of your heart, you DECIDE to be a good neighbor and give one of the cows to your neighbor, because you see he tried. You do not, however, give it to the state, who would waste the cows before you could say “Moo.”

    Church – Some think their ideas, that the cows had a bovine father rather than just changing magically from grass one day, are crazy and make no sence, but whether they are correct or not, the church takes cows that are given to it and gives them to the needy who can’t work but would if they could, not who choose not to work because they are too lazy to do so.

    Progressivism is fun when it’s laughing in the face of common sence. But I’ll be honest, I hate reality or brainpower. They’re always getting in the way of progressive ideas and issues.

  3. Thanks for a marvelous posting! I definitely enjoyed reading it, you will be a great author.I will remember to bookmark your blog and will come back someday. I want to encourage you to ultimately continue your great job, have a nice evening!

  4. An interesting discussion is price comment. I think that you need to write more on this subject, it won’t be a taboo subject however typically individuals are not enough to speak on such topics. To the next. Cheers

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