Right-Wingers Not At Risk For Cancer Caused By Cellphone Use

by Ben Hoffman

Crazy Right-Winger

Mobile phones may cause brain cancer in humans, a World Health Organization agency said, citing a review of studies.

Exposure to radiofrequency electromagnetic fields from handsets is greater than that from phone towers and base stations, Robert Baan, the senior scientist in charge of the International Agency for Research on Cancer report on the subject, said on a conference call with reporters. The fields are “possibly” carcinogenic, the same category as diesel fuel, chloroform and working as a firefighter, according to the IARC, based in Lyon, France, which classifies cancer risks.

But right-wingers seem to have a built-in immunity. Their think sculls that prevent information and facts from reaching their brains, also keeps the dangerous radio-waves from permeating.

Studies have shown that right-wingers have extremely small brains, which also helps protect them from cancer causing radio waves. Their neocortex — the part of the brain responsible for logic — is practically non-existent. The limbic system — the part of the brain responsible for emotion — is over-sized in right-wingers, which explains why they are so overly emotional and tend to believe in supernatural beings such as God, Jesus Christ, heaven and hell, and the tooth fairy.

While right-wingers have extremely small brains, they have normal sized sculls. Their brains are offset from the skull — often by an inch or more — which, along with their thick sculls, gives them additional protection from cellphone electromagnetic fields. The offset is padded with a swiss cheese like substance.

Note: This post is a parody.

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