Breaking News! Marilyn Davenport Going To Hell!

by Ben Hoffman

Californian Republican Marilyn Davenport, 74, who sent out an email depicting President Barack Obama’s face on the body of a baby chimpanzee, issued an apology late Monday after a weekend of criticism. “I didn’t stop to think about the historic implications and other examples of how this could be offensive,” Davenport’s apology read.

At a press conference, Davenport went on to say, “We all know that Negroes are very, very averse to work of any kind. The Negroes’ most prominent anatomical feature, after all, its oversized buttocks, which have evolved to make it more comfortable for them to sit around all day doing nothing for its entire life.”

Lightening then struck a nearby tree.

“That does it…,” God spoke. “You’re going to hell, Davenport. You and the rest of your hate-filled lying ass right-wing lard-ass friends will have a special placed reserved for you in the valley of eternal torments of the damned. And don’t even think about redemption. You can go to your stupid little churches all you want and pray to Jebus, but you’re all going to rot in hell. Neener, freakin’, Neener.”

4 Comments to “Breaking News! Marilyn Davenport Going To Hell!”

  1. People like her, I have no use for. As far as I’m concerned, she and the likes of her can go crawl in a sewer and stay they.

  2. Good lord. Is that Jim Crow’s grandmother?

  3. This truly makes me laugh and cry at the same time…. I can’t believe there are people so backwards still in America, in 2011.

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