I’m Announcing My Run For Governor of Colorado!

by Ben Hoffman

With Ritter announcing he will not seek re-election, I’ve decided to throw my hat into the ring. Ritter hasn’t been a true progressive, anyway, and has been catering to corporate interests and other special interest groups rather than the interest of the people of Colorado.

As governor, here are some things I will do:

  • Make higher education affordable — especially science and engineering programs. There is a shortage of scientists and engineers here. Countries like India have surpassed the U.S. because they’ve developed a highly educated workforce.
  • Develop high speed rail transportation around Colorado. Our highways are congested because too many people drive. High speed rail will alleviate that problem.
  • Build indoor public tennis courts around Denver. Build a large tennis complex and host a large professional tennis tournament that will attract big name players such as Federer, Nadal, and Roddick.
  • Require basic cable and satellite TV to include The Tennis Channel
  • Increase the taxes on firearms and large SUVs to pay for these things
  • Reform our prison systems. See this post.

That’s all for now.

[Add to list: Remove tax exempt status for religious organizations taking in more than a million dollars a year]
[Add to list: Require the teaching of alien Jesus in churches as an alternative theory (like “intelligent design” is an “alternative theory” for how we got here)]

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22 Comments to “I’m Announcing My Run For Governor of Colorado!”

  1. Great! Let’s all run.

  2. Mr. Hoffman,

    If I promise to move to Colorado, could I run. I have some cool ideas also to cost shift what I like to things and people I disagree with.

    First off, a 50% excise tax on tennis balls to pay for indoor shooting ranges around the State. Since bearing arms is actually a Constitutional right, unlike health care, anyone rich enough to play tennis is rich enough to pay for the poor exercising their right to recreational shooting.

    Next require an environmental impact study on the amount of solar radiation tennis courts soak up and contribute to Global Warming and then tax players for the thermal pollution their silly little hobby causes.

    Finally, a tax on public transit to cover the deficits they cause.

    • Actually tennis is a fairly inexpensive sport — much cheaper than guns. Bullets can be costly.

      As far as the “right to bear arms,” that’s to provide a “well regulated militia.” At the time, there was no standing army, so the ordinary citizens were the army when needed. That is no longer the case.

      [Next require an environmental impact study on the amount of solar radiation tennis courts soak up and contribute to Global Warming and then tax players for the thermal pollution their silly little hobby causes.]

      That’s true, it does contribute to the urban heat island effect. Maybe the courts should be painted white so they reflect the short-wave radiation.

      As far as it being a “silly hobby,” you don’t consider shooting holes in pieces of paper silly? While it can be fun, it’s still silly. 🙂 Tennis requires much more skill.

  3. Mr. Hoffman,

    I dabbled with tennis in my youth, so I really have nothing against it other than to point out the hypocrisy of what you proposed. The redistribution of money, which is what you progressives are really about. It’s a legal version of the old Mafia protection racket. Attack or threaten to attack certain groups in order to extract money to give to your allies. Call it Patronage, the Chicago way, the Blago way, the Pelosi Way, the Reid way, the Ben Nelson way, the ACORN way, and of course the Obama way.

    It’s what you guys meant when you threw the Republicans out of power and promised Change.

    Oh by the way tennis historically is similar to golf, in that it is seen as a rich man’s sport. Inner city minority youth prefer basket ball, so do I. I propose to keep all stereotypes alive and well. Again I call for outrageous taxes on you rich tennis bums.

    Maybe throw in an extra special tax on all homes with solar panels that cost over $5,000. I mean anyone with such a solar panel has to be rich. They can easily afford it with all of the money they can make selling power back to the power companies at above market rates.

    I hope you like my ideas. Can I put you down for a generous contribution to my campaign? I promise that I won’t forget my promises when I roll in to office. I won’t forget you little people. I won’t forget where I came from.

  4. Mr. Hoffman, Ms.Holland,

    You two are liberals, right? Are you Socialists? If not, how do you differ from Socialists? I am trying to define the possible opposition, in case I do run for Governor. You certainly are not in anyway Conservative or Libertarian. You both do believe in B-I-G government to right the wrongs of society? You both believe government should wipe everybody’s butt for them, right? No rugged individualism in your tent, right?

    • [You both do believe in B-I-G government to right the wrongs of society?]

      No, that is what conservatives believe. They want to tell pregnant women what they can or can’t do with their own bodies. They want religion taught in schools as science. They want science suppressed when it conflicts with religion. They want to define who can and who can’t get married. They want to legislate morality to “right the wrongs of society.”

      Democrats believe in doing things for the good of the middle class.

      Unfettered capitalism is bad for the middle class, since it results in a few large companies dominating the industries and hurts small to mid sized businesses.

      Democrats believe in regulating industries to keep them honest and ethical. Otherwise, we get things like dangerous children’s toys and food that’s not safe to eat.

      Democrats believe in making higher education affordable. It’s the old “teach a man to fish” philosophy. An educated work force is good for our economy and grants for education are some of the best investments the government can make since people with college degrees earn far more than those without and therefore pay much more in taxes.

      Democrats believe in protecting our environment and in promoting the development of alternative fuels to get us off our oil dependency.

      Democrats believe the government can provide good services for the people. Republicans believe “government is bad” and every time they gain power they do everything they can to destroy our government and then say “See! The government can’t do anything!”

    • I am a liberal. I hold some socialist beliefs. I hold some libertarian beliefs. I hold a few conservative beliefs (although those are so eroded in recent decades, I’m no longer sure about that.)

      Nobody is one thing. I believe in big government to create a society of educated, healthy people who make great stuff that the rest of the world wants. And take care of the least among us in the process. As for righting the wrongs of society – I leave that to the religious right who are endlessly concerned about the sex that Americans might be having.

    • OK Rep. Sally Kern is the epitome of a conservative:

      “I honestly think it’s the biggest threat that our nation has, even more so than terrorism or Islam, which I think is a big threat,” she said.

      Kern, who is finishing her second term, has tried unsuccessfully to pass bills to rid libraries’ children’s sections of books that have homosexual themes.

      http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,338271,00.html

      She now wants to force heterosexual couples to stay married. Under Kern’s legislation, incompatibility would not be an acceptable reason to obtain a divorce if the partners have been married for over a decade or are raising minor children.

      This is conservative “big government” trying to “right the wrongs of society.”

      • How about forcing people not to fire people if the employee has dependent children? Because there’s no sex in that story.

  5. Ben, Moe, you both said more than I ever could. I’ve never understood where the weird paranoia about liberals and Democrats came from. Are all liberals socialists? Of course not. Just like not all conservatives are fascists.

    I’ve also never understood the neocon’s claim that all liberals want is to have the government control our lives. Liberals want to allow the government to help people and keep us safe and healthy. It’s conservatives who actually want to tell individual people how to live their lives, what to believe in (because if you don’t agree with them, you’re un-American), who they can love, what they can publish, what medical procedures are allowed…all things that the government should have no say in at all.

    But honestly…I’m just so tired of the hate and hostility shown by both sides toward the other. Liberals are patriots, too, and conservatives can be just as tolerant as liberals. And I promise I’m not saying this because I’m a liberal, but the hate and disrespect shown by the right-wingers at the moment is just making me sick. Here is Dick Cheney going around calling the president a traitor, and Republicans in Congress saying NO to everything, just to derail the president’s agenda. They think nothing of lying, distorting facts, and going way over the line in their disrespect and outrageous name-calling, just to court the fringe of their party. There just doesn’t seem to be any room for moderates in the Republican party anymore. And even though this is great for the Democrats (I’d love to see the Republican party get split up, into the Teabaggers, and the normal, rational Republican minority), I’m just so sick of the rhetoric coming from the right-wingers.

    OK, rant over. Sorry, everyone! LOL! 🙂

    • A sad example of partisanship is the universal loathing (by the right) of Jimmy Carter. He wasn’t a great president, but he was far from the wuss they depict him as. The man had a career in the military. Most of those who demean him have never seen a uniform.

  6. Ben,
    I’m glad you’re running for governor. Anyone with a strong tennis platform should be well qualified. I should have thrown your hat into the ring on the Peter Boyles Show this morning. We will have to hit sometime. Don’t know how long you’ve lived in Denver, but there used to be a tournament in town – the United Bank Tennis Classic. It was held at the old Auditorium Arena. Arthur Ashe, Bjorn Borg, Jimmy Connors, Stan Smith, among others played in it. Went every year.

  7. Mr. Hoffman,

    I said, “You both do believe in B-I-G government to right the wrongs of society?”

    You replied,
    “No, that is what conservatives believe. They want to tell pregnant women what they can or can’t do with their own bodies”

    Thank you for being specific. You gave me a lot to work with.

    The government tells women that they cannot kill their children after they are born. Conservatives believe that the unborn deserve protection.

    ” They want religion taught in schools as science. They want science suppressed when it conflicts with religion.”

    I agree with you on this issue.

    “They want to define who can and who can’t get married.”

    Of course. Are you telling me you want no standards for marriage? Can an adult marry a tree? Marry a 10 year old? I realize you are talking gay marriage, but I want to know if you have a stopping point, because you left it blank.

    ” They want to legislate morality to “right the wrongs of society.””

    I like how you can type that one with a straight face. Aren’t you guys the ones who think I should pay reparations because my ancestors held Barak Obama’s ancestors as slaves? Wait my ancestors were too poor to own slaves. Wait Obama’s ancestors weren’t slaves. Aren’t you the guys who take from one group to give to another more politically connected group?

    “Democrats believe in doing things for the good of the middle class. ” So why are you big government types going to raise taxes on the middle class? Oh yes you are!

    “Unfettered capitalism is bad for the middle class, since it results in a few large companies dominating the industries and hurts small to mid sized businesses.”

    How many in the Obama administration ever ran a small business? Obama grew up intellectually in academia and government. He doesn’t have a clue about small business.

    “Democrats believe in regulating industries to keep them honest and ethical. Otherwise, we get things like dangerous children’s toys and food that’s not safe to eat.”

    Barney Frank did a hell of a job regulating Fannie and Freddie. It’s more like they regulated him and the rest of your Party from 03 to 06.

    “Democrats believe in protecting our environment and in promoting the development of alternative fuels to get us off our oil dependency.”

    That was really great for auto sales the last 4 years, wasn’t it? I’m sure all of the unemployed auto workers were happy to take one for the team.

    “Democrats believe the government can provide good services for the people. Republicans believe “government is bad” and every time they gain power they do everything they can to destroy our government and then say “See! The government can’t do anything!””

    How about we all just get guvment jobs? The guvment owns and runs every industry? Every business? The Central Planners in the Washington Kremlin make all decisions? No unemployment, no worries?

    I want a job working for the city of emerald. I hear they “get up at twelve and go to work at one, take an hour for lunch, and then at two we’re done.”

    • [Aren’t you guys the ones who think I should pay reparations because my ancestors held Barak Obama’s ancestors as slaves?]

      The Democratic Party does not want to do that. A few people somewhere want to do that.

      [Aren’t you the guys who take from one group to give to another more politically connected group?]

      Banks. George Bush. Hank Paulson. $700 billion.

      Adam Smith, the godfather of capitalism, warned severely against ‘unrestrained’ capitalism.

      [It’s more like they regulated him and the rest of your Party from 03 to 06.]

      The Congress was Republican from 03 to 06. Ol’ Barney was not a chairman.

      And – We’re a nation of going on 400 million people. We have troops in over 90 coutries and are engaged in two wars. I sure hope we have plenty of people on the payroll.

  8. Ms. Holland,

    “The Congress was Republican from 03 to 06. Ol’ Barney was not a chairman.”

    I refuse to let you get away with this deception. I have already posted proof previously of the way Barney and his friends blocked reform of the GSAs. I don’t care who nominally had control of Congress. Barney the Pink Dinosoar and the rest of your buddies PROTECTED their friends at Fannie and Freddie when McCain, other Republicans and OFHEO were pointing out the funny accounting that allowed the Democrats bested buddies to get $millions in bonuses while the GSEs were losing $Billions.

    I can post my proof again if you just plain forgot.

  9. [I don’t care who nominally had control of Congress] So you’re saying the minority in Congress has power? Then why did the Republicans lose so soundly on health care? Why are they complaining so loudly that they’re not even at the table?

  10. Mr. Hoffman,

    It is pretty hard to spin videos and dates of Democrats with both feet in their big mouths.

    Ms. Holland,

    “[I don’t care who nominally had control of Congress]” “So you’re saying the minority in Congress has power? Then why did the Republicans lose so soundly on health care? Why are they complaining so loudly that they’re not even at the table?”

    The minority can have a lot of power, especially in the Senate. This is why YOUR clowns are so keen to get all of their shady deals done before they lose their filibuster majority. Republicans NEVER had that kind of POWER.

  11. Dude, Alan Scott, whatever your name is. Your arguement is weak and misguided. The other side makes a point, and you cite propaganda and make personal attacks. Heres a hunt, stop watching FOXNEWS and listen to MPR, who doesn’t spend billions of dollars in order to manipulate the way their listeners think (Which FOXNEWS DOES).
    That’s what is truely disgusting about the political right these days. It’s like they are at war with anyone who doesn’t look, think, talk, or act like they do. It’s quite sad, and bad for society.

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